Unofficial Agony Aunt

I've been on Twitter for a few years now , I've seen people come and go , made some good friends and blocked a few people. My life on Twitter these days mainly consists of chatting to people , following a couple of celeb accounts and looking at cat pictures.

A few months into my Twitter life I began to be seen by some followers as a kind of wise Mum figure  , ready to listen and give advise when asked , so there began my agony aunt persona.

I even had 'Unofficial Agony Aunt' in my Twitter bio

I always made it clear to people who dm'd me asking for advise that I had absolutely no training in anything medical or psychological and my advice was just my opinion . If I felt out of my depth at all I always made sure the person had a phone number of someone who could help them properly. I can remember one night , googling sexual health clinics for one person as he needed an opinion I couldn't give !! The same person had contacted me previously worried about a health matter and I had managed to persuade him to talk to his Dad and I was relieved when I got a message saying he was okay , him & his Dad had talked and he had got the help he needed.

My dm box was always strictly confidential , I found out some things about some of my Twitter followers that even their own families probably would never know about them , people confided in me and to be honest I think that in some cases it was easier for them to message a stranger , miles away from them than to try to open up to people closer to them , in case they felt hurt or embarrassed. 
I never , ever mentioned anything on my timeline that was told to me in confidence . 

Some people obviously did feel embarrassment after confiding in me and I would notice that whereas before they would chat to me on the timeline , after confiding they might be a bit distant for a week or so , almost as if they wondered if I would judge them , I can assure that nothing that was ever to.d to me made me think differently about the person , I always kept an open mind.

As life went on fewer and fewer people seemed to need advice , which is actually a good thing , and these days a few of the people (including the sexual health clinic guy) have unfollowed me , or don't interact at all . A few I still speak to and I know others are okay . 'Unofficial Agony Aunt' has been removed  from my bio and the only advice I give these days is to friends , hopefully good advice !!! 

If anyone is struggling my dm box is still there , confidential and hopefully able to help xx 

Could it happen ...................

14th May 2015


Nigel Farage has been in charge of the UK for 1 week following his victory in the UK general election. He has been out and about , amongst 'his people' meeting and greeting , hugging babies and smiling at old people.


He slams through the door at No 10 .Throwing his coat on the chair and slumping at his desk.
"Malcolm , I'm back" he calls to his assistant , his mockney accent dropping to reveal his real cut glass Oxbridge accent , it wouldn't do to sound too posh , the normal man wouldn't be able to identify with him .


18th May 2015


Time to meet other world leaders , of course they have come to Downing Street , Nigel doesn't want to go abroad to see them , too many foreigners in other countries.


Firstly President Obama from the USA
"Hi Mr Ombungo , I mean Umbooger , Ahh Mr Obama whatever " Farrage mutters under his breath


Feigning interest the mask only slips once President Obama has left "Like I'm going to listen to him" says Farage "What were those dumb ass Americans thinking voting in a black person? Bloody foreigners"


Next the German Chancellor Angela Merkel
" Hello my dear " smarms Farage , "Was your Husband busy today love , I don't normally deal with the wives , let me know when he can meet me , you go and do some shopping , there's a good girl"


After Angela leaves , Malcolm comes into the room "Mr Farage Sir , she was the German Chancellor , she was in a rage when she left"
"A woman ?" Nigel splutters  "F***ing Hell , Germans voting in a bloody Woman" What is the world coming to?"


23rd May 2015
Malcolm serves Nigel his lunch , tinned spam, mash and frozen peas
"Where is my Parma ham and Mozzarella and my champagne?" asks Farage
"The policy Sir ,we do not import anything from Europe anymore , remember ?" says Malcolm.


28th May 2015


Some more of UKIP policies have started to be implemented , the main one being the removal of anyone who can't prove that they have had family in the UK for 7 generations. The country is quiet and in total chaos.


Farage is in his office in Downing street , reading through the days papers
"Magda , Magda , can you come in here please" he calls out .


He is expecting his stunning secretary to appear at the door, wearing her usual skin tight pencil skirt , skyscraper stilettos and sheer stockings , a sight that brightens up Nigel's day every time. She is not just beautiful , she is university educated and speaks 4 languages fluently.


To his horror a spotty scraggy lad appears , jeans hanging down round his bum , showing off his Primark pants , attitude from hell.
"yeah waddywant?"says the youth
"Excuse me . who the hell are you and what are you doing in my office?" exclaims Farage


Malcolm hears the fuss and comes to the door "what is the problem Sir" he asks
"Who the hell is this , this , this thing?" Nigel shouts "I called for Magda"


"Errm , Madga , your Polish secretary? , she was sent back to Poland last week Sir , this is Gary , her replacement , the job centre sent him" says Malcolm apologetically


Nigel storms out of his office and sees several members of staff loitering in the hallway , they are supposed to be cleaning but most of them seem to be playing Candy Crush on their mobiles and one is having a sneaky cigarette , using a priceless vase as an ashtray.


"Bloody liberty this is" says one of the women (Sherrice - aged 24 . 5 kids by 6 fathers (don't ask))
"I woz happy before that bleedin election thingy , I neva get a chance to watch Jezza Kyle these days , working here for £4.20 an hour , ow am I supposed to feed me kids on that , I was getting £1400 a week on benefits, bloody politicians , all crooks the damn lot of em"


"Did you vote for this lot then?" asks one of the other women?


"well yeah , I did but it woz just cos he was gonna kick out them darkies , didn't know I woz gonna av to do their jobs"........


Farage storms back into his office , his anger showing , his face contorted in rage , breathing quick but looking clammy
"I don't feel good Malcolm , get me an ambulance , call 999 NOW" he says


"But Sir , St Thomas' Hospital has closed and University College hospital , there are limited ambulances and not enough Doctors and nurses to cope" said Malcolm


"What ?" gasped Farage "Get me my Doctor , help me"


" I would " replied Malcolm but your private doctor , Mr Patel was sent to India , 2 days ago.............








Please note this is fictitious and in no way represents my opinion in these matters

more time on the naughty step ?

http://www.newstatesman.com/culture/2015/02/tracey-thorn-more-attention-we-pay-childish-behaviour-more-we-get

Today's blog post is inspired by the above article by Everything ButThe Girl singer Tracey Thorn. In the article (in case you can't be bothered to read it) she discusses behaviour. The idea these days that any attention is good even if it is for bad behaviour.

Take Justin Beiber (please take him someone) , he hasn't been in the media recently for his 'music' , it has been all about his wayward behaviour. But still these news articles keep him in the public eye , love him or hate him he is still being talked about , the same with publicity hungry Miley Cyrus.

If you listen to any child or indeed pet behaviour expert the advice is clear and concise ' reward good behaviour and ignore bad' . It is a very simple system and it works so why don't we ignore bad behaviour from people in the public eye? 

Would it make any difference though ? Would Katie Hopkins , Jeremy Clarkson et al start being nice to people and behaved themselves? Somehow I doubt it but it would be nice to try !! 

Maybe if the media rewarded good behaviour by giving it publicity then our younger generation might follow suite xx

Joyce ................

This blog is going to be about names ....yes I know I have already written a blog about that but I must admit names do fascinate me , maybe as I had 3 of them (at least) before I was a week old! 

On my first day in this world I was called Natasha , the second it had changed to Tanya and then on the third I was finally given the name Petra as well as 2 middle names and a double barrelled surname !! So yes , I've got my fair share.

Recently a day trip to a local village led to me starting to research my family tree, a person with my Mums maiden surname on a war memorial made me wonder if he was related and so it began. I concentrated on my Mums paternal and maternal sides but only my Dads maternal side as his paternal side had been researched right back to 1066 by a distant relative. 

With all of my Grandparents long deceased my only starting points were my parents own memories , some birth and death certificates and an Uncle who had also started along the family tree branches.
I made great progress , going back several generations but it was made difficult at times by names not being as they were remembered.

My own Nan was known by everyone as Joyce , despite her name actually being Hannah ( She didn't like that name) and I suspect even some friends who had known her for decades were surprised to see her real name on her coffin . 
This seems to have been very commonplace in the old days . A great number of my male relatives on both sides were called Charles , Frederick and William or a combination of all of those names and understandably if there were 3 generations of Williams living under one roof then second names were used instead , therefore William Jnr became Charles and his Son , Frederick . In fact my own Mum believed her Granfathers name to be Frederick when it was actually Charles !! 

So this has led to some confusion along some branches of the family tree although not entirely . Some more unusual names were Elijah , Caleb and Moses (all siblings) and a female on my Dads side was called Merci 

I can only imagine the reaction in a small Suffolk farming village when that was announced "Merci ? Merci ?what's wrong with calling the baby Joyce ?!?!" Xxx 

confession

Forgive me readers for I have sinned , it has been 8 months since my last blog post ..........

Why have I been so lax ? I hear you ask ....

And the answer is ......... I don't know . I really didn't think that it had been so long since I posted , but I am going to blame technology.

I received an iPad for my Birthday in March and this has changed the way I access the Internet and therefore my blog. I used to do 95% of my computing on a desktop PC , the old fashioned way , sat at my desk , tapping away on the keyboard but since having the Ipad I mainly use that and I have to confess I hadn't worked out how to do this blog on there !! 

But guess what , it's really easy , it's just a case of clicking on the blog link on my Twitter bio and then logging in . Yes , it is really that easy , even for a technology challenged person like me so be prepared to get more random ramblings over the next weeks and months.

Another problem was that I couldn't actually think of a topic to blog about , I usually get most of my good ideas whilst in the bath but ideas have been scarce (it's okay , I've had several baths in the last 8 months!!). I do have a couple of topics in mind so bear with me and will be typing away in the next few days xx 

Right , how do I actually post this ............