Could it happen ...................

14th May 2015


Nigel Farage has been in charge of the UK for 1 week following his victory in the UK general election. He has been out and about , amongst 'his people' meeting and greeting , hugging babies and smiling at old people.


He slams through the door at No 10 .Throwing his coat on the chair and slumping at his desk.
"Malcolm , I'm back" he calls to his assistant , his mockney accent dropping to reveal his real cut glass Oxbridge accent , it wouldn't do to sound too posh , the normal man wouldn't be able to identify with him .


18th May 2015


Time to meet other world leaders , of course they have come to Downing Street , Nigel doesn't want to go abroad to see them , too many foreigners in other countries.


Firstly President Obama from the USA
"Hi Mr Ombungo , I mean Umbooger , Ahh Mr Obama whatever " Farrage mutters under his breath


Feigning interest the mask only slips once President Obama has left "Like I'm going to listen to him" says Farage "What were those dumb ass Americans thinking voting in a black person? Bloody foreigners"


Next the German Chancellor Angela Merkel
" Hello my dear " smarms Farage , "Was your Husband busy today love , I don't normally deal with the wives , let me know when he can meet me , you go and do some shopping , there's a good girl"


After Angela leaves , Malcolm comes into the room "Mr Farage Sir , she was the German Chancellor , she was in a rage when she left"
"A woman ?" Nigel splutters  "F***ing Hell , Germans voting in a bloody Woman" What is the world coming to?"


23rd May 2015
Malcolm serves Nigel his lunch , tinned spam, mash and frozen peas
"Where is my Parma ham and Mozzarella and my champagne?" asks Farage
"The policy Sir ,we do not import anything from Europe anymore , remember ?" says Malcolm.


28th May 2015


Some more of UKIP policies have started to be implemented , the main one being the removal of anyone who can't prove that they have had family in the UK for 7 generations. The country is quiet and in total chaos.


Farage is in his office in Downing street , reading through the days papers
"Magda , Magda , can you come in here please" he calls out .


He is expecting his stunning secretary to appear at the door, wearing her usual skin tight pencil skirt , skyscraper stilettos and sheer stockings , a sight that brightens up Nigel's day every time. She is not just beautiful , she is university educated and speaks 4 languages fluently.


To his horror a spotty scraggy lad appears , jeans hanging down round his bum , showing off his Primark pants , attitude from hell.
"yeah waddywant?"says the youth
"Excuse me . who the hell are you and what are you doing in my office?" exclaims Farage


Malcolm hears the fuss and comes to the door "what is the problem Sir" he asks
"Who the hell is this , this , this thing?" Nigel shouts "I called for Magda"


"Errm , Madga , your Polish secretary? , she was sent back to Poland last week Sir , this is Gary , her replacement , the job centre sent him" says Malcolm apologetically


Nigel storms out of his office and sees several members of staff loitering in the hallway , they are supposed to be cleaning but most of them seem to be playing Candy Crush on their mobiles and one is having a sneaky cigarette , using a priceless vase as an ashtray.


"Bloody liberty this is" says one of the women (Sherrice - aged 24 . 5 kids by 6 fathers (don't ask))
"I woz happy before that bleedin election thingy , I neva get a chance to watch Jezza Kyle these days , working here for £4.20 an hour , ow am I supposed to feed me kids on that , I was getting £1400 a week on benefits, bloody politicians , all crooks the damn lot of em"


"Did you vote for this lot then?" asks one of the other women?


"well yeah , I did but it woz just cos he was gonna kick out them darkies , didn't know I woz gonna av to do their jobs"........


Farage storms back into his office , his anger showing , his face contorted in rage , breathing quick but looking clammy
"I don't feel good Malcolm , get me an ambulance , call 999 NOW" he says


"But Sir , St Thomas' Hospital has closed and University College hospital , there are limited ambulances and not enough Doctors and nurses to cope" said Malcolm


"What ?" gasped Farage "Get me my Doctor , help me"


" I would " replied Malcolm but your private doctor , Mr Patel was sent to India , 2 days ago.............








Please note this is fictitious and in no way represents my opinion in these matters