Dating

 When you are a teen you think dating is so difficult- ‘Does he like me?’ , ‘Why do all the lads want to go out with my friends instead of me?’ , ‘How do I do ‘proper’ kissing?’,all the angst and confusion, well unfortunately kids it doesn’t get any easier when you get a bit older!

I have many friends who have used or are using the dating apps , Tinder, Bumble , Plenty Of Fish & all the others , many times they say they see the exact same faces on each app , so swiping left (or is it right?) on the same people all the time and the dating pool seems ever decreasing 

The horror stories you hear are just insane , one friend seems to attract every wrong ‘un in Essex and the surrounding areas and some of her stories are eye opening and toe curling !!! Others find out that the guy/ girl they are dating and thought was ‘the one’ is keeping options open and seeing multiple people , they say they are no longer on the apps but a quick search reveals they most certainly are 

Some people use the apps purely to pick up people for sex and if this is your thing and you are open about it then that’s okay , it’s when you promise the earth and then deliver wet mud that it’s not fair 

Then there is Twitter , I know so many people who have met their ‘person’ through Twitter ,timeline flirting leading to dms , meetings and in many cases , engagements, marriage , kids , the whole caboodle 

I personally found my person through Twitter , friends for years after he told me I was his Twitter Crush and then seeing a dm’d photo of him in a charcoal face mask just , well I don’t know , made me want to be more than just his friend ! Luckily the feeling was mutual and it’s been that way for just over a year 

Now to the issues of dating when you are in your 40s /50s …….people have past experiences, people have ‘baggage’ , people have insecurities from past relationships, body issues after having children or going into the menopause , confidence issues getting back out there after divorce and they have kids! 

Although I have been lucky and haven’t got any relationship horror stories , bad past experiences or anything like that I do have issues with depression, anxiety and self confidence , I also will admit to jealousy and overthinking big time . I also don’t have the figure I had 25 years ago , I am plus size and nothing is where it used to be back then !! 

I am a difficult person to date now I’m older (maybe it’s been always!!!) but the past year has taught me so many things , I used to bottle things up and overthink them until I worked myself up completely and then would expect my fella to be a mind reader and know what was wrong , I’d go quiet and sulky and not very nice and to be honest he had no idea what the hell I was annoyed or upset about 

I’ve learnt that I need to talk about things , I need to be open and honest , if I’m worried about something I need to ask rather than make things escalate in my mind , I also need to listen and take on his viewpoint and I need to understand                                    I’m still not perfect with all this and may never be , I have my moments but I’m more aware of when I’m getting into this mindset and will try to stop myself from making  things bigger than they are and I try not to got quiet and detached 

So dating when you are older does have its complications , if he has seen a message and not replied that doesn’t mean there’s a problem , it means that maybe one of his kids has called him to help with homework or play on the Xbox 

He might have had to work late , it doesn’t mean he’s seeing someone else 

He might have plans for the weekend already with his kids , they have to be his priority, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me , just he has to divide his attention in a few ways 

He might be having a bad day ….it’s not just me that has them 

Also try not to be someone you’re not , don’t dampen down your personality to try to be who someone else wants you to be , that’ll never work , he was attracted to you in the first place , so be you cos you’re amazing !! 

So while the angst of the teen dating experience is real to them it’s totally different when you are older. There are so many more things , people and issues to take into account , you can’t be selfish and you have to work through your insecurities or it will break you up , so that’s dating for me to be honest 

Talk , listen and give a little bit ………and have a great time , I’m no expert but that’s what I’d say !!